Lessons in Fooling Your Heart
by Moonchild10
Summary: 2D receives a lesson in the complex art of kissing.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**This was written as a birthday present for the lovely Plaidpoppet, who goes by the name of Scottishlass here. **

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Murdoc had spent the entire evening sitting on the sofa, across the living room/kitchen combo from 2D at the table. He was holding a notebook, tapping the end of his pencil on his knee every now and then and moving his mouth slightly before frantically scribbling down what could have been bass lines or lyrics or a shopping list; 2D never had any idea what Murdoc was doing. He was mysterious, like an unopened letter. 2D quickly gave up his own scribbling in favor of watching the older man work. It was interesting to see him so deeply absorbed in something, and it fascinated him. He hadn't even been aware that any time had passed before he heard the man's voice suddenly, cutting over the silence.

"Well, what the fuck are ye' staring at?" Murdoc's voice was gruff, and he was glaring up at 2D through the curtain of his shaggy black bangs. 2D immediately went red in the face and his eyes, hidden inside his head by twin accidents both Murdoc's fault, flew back to the pages of his own notebook. "Yew've been staring at me for the better part of an hour, so what exactly were you looking at?"

2D's cheeks burned, and he bit his lip. "I… I don't…" he couldn't manage to get his words out, and he stammered for a few seconds before he looked up to see Murdoc beside him, looking down at his notebook.

"Well, if yer' going to stare at me like I'm a fucking peep show, I might as well have a look at _your_ shit, eh?" he asked, his eyes scanning the lines of the notebook. It was one he had kept with him since high school, and he prided himself on a few of the scribbles that filled its pages, but no one had ever read any of it before, and he felt slightly indignant as thought some private part of his life had been invaded. Murdoc stared for a few minutes, and 2D was powerless to stop him, forced to sit there glued to the kitchen chair and stare blankly at nothing. "This is good," Murdoc said finally, and 2D released the air he had been holding in his lungs. "I like it. It's… interesting. Y'ever think about helping me with some of the songs, mate?"

2D smiled, chancing a look up at his companion, who was staring off at something on the other side of the room. "Well… sure, Murdoc, I-"

"So what _are_ you always staring at me, anyway?" Murdoc asked him. The question flew out of nowhere, and caught 2D off-guard.

"W-wot?"

"I always look up and catch you staring at me, like yer some kind of fucking perverted freak. But I know that's not the case." he paused, looking down at 2D and boring those mismatched eyes into him. "So what is it?"

2D had never been this close to the older man before, and it set him off-balance, his body hovering so near above him. He had suspected Murdoc of not sleeping for some time now, and up close, it was obvious. His eyes were rimmed with red and bloodshot, heavy bags hanging underneath. His face was darkened by stubble, and his face was expressionless, waiting without the slightest hint of emotion for the words to fall from his idiot singer's lips.

"I… I just…" 2D was trapped, stuck in a place between any number of possible explanations, and it didn't look like Murdoc was backing down. "I just fink you're… interesting…" he decided on the most neutral answer possible and looked up to see if fate was on his side, if Murdoc was angry. But his reaction was possibly the only thing that could have been worse than anger.

Murdoc looked amused.

"You fucking pansy. Just when I think you can't be any more of a faggot, you go and say something like _that_. I always knew you were a homo." and with that, as 2D stared at him in surprise, Murdoc pulled out a cigarette and lit it, his lighter making a tiny metallic clink in the absolute silence of the kitchen, and turning to walk into the living room and leave 2D with his shock at the abruptness of those words. _A faggot?!_

2D found himself following the Satanist into the darkness of the living room. "A faggot? Wot are you talking about, Muds?" though he did occasionally have… _thoughts _about such matters, 2D had never tried anything even remotely homosexual with the older man, and this blatant questioning of his sexuality left him feeling more than a bit emotionally raped.

"I'm saying you're a goddamned meat gazer. Ye want me to explain it in sign language, sunshine?" Murdoc flopped down on the moth-eaten lump of fabric he called a sofa and took a long drag from the cigarette.

"No fank you," 2D snapped angrily. "I'm not an idiot, I understood. And 'm not a bloody faggot." his voice sounded quite a bit braver than he felt, and when Murdoc laughed heartily (pausing to have a coughing fit in the middle) and suggested that 2D come and sit beside him, he was more than a bit terrified, to tell the truth. Murdoc, though the two had formed an unsteady friendship over the past month, was downright crazy, and there was no telling what he might do when 2D arrived at the sofa. He was pumped full of meth or heroin about half the time, and the rest of the time, including tonight, he was crazy with no stimulation whatsoever.

"'m not daft, Muds. If you fink I'm coming over there you've got-"

"Get over here, muppet, or I'll make you wish you had." that kind of comment was enough to scare 2D into walking, and he dutifully reported to the sofa like a soldier to war, plopping down on the dense tan fabric and shifting into a comfortable position.

"Awright, I'm here. Wot do you want?" 2D asked, watching Murdoc suspiciously. He would have watched him out of the corner of his eye, but with his eyes sunken two inches back in his head, this was a bit difficult. So in the end he had to turn his head completely to watch the bassist, who was flopped against the opposite arm of the sofa, smoking leisurely.

"Oh, I don't want anything, love. This concerns what _you_ want." Murdoc could be terribly mysterious, and now, as always, it sent rather unpleasant chills up his spine. 2D fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat, trying not to look distressed.

"Wot are you talking about? I don't… I don't want anything."

"Oh really?" Murdoc sneered. "You say you're not a faggot. You say you're not gay. And I say 'bullshit', you little wanker. I say there's a huge, glitzy manlover taking up residence in your little brainless head, and you're the gayest thing I've ever seen in my life."

2D was momentarily shocked into silence. "I… I'm not fucking gay! Why do you keep saying th-"

And in the silent space between them, everything changed. The space disappeared, filled with Murdoc as he moved across the sofa in one sudden movement. 2D was at a loss for what Murdoc was trying to do until suddenly, almost delicately, he pressed his rough, chapped lips to 2D's own. The kiss jarred his senses, numbed his mind, and made him question the entire nature of reality. Murdoc's hand was draped over his shoulder, the cigarette burning dimly somewhere behind him. His other hand was clenched onto 2D's thin knee through his jeans. He had 2D pinned against the arm of the sofa, and there was no escape. The shock of the kiss was almost too much to bear… but there was something so oddly appealing about having Murdoc's lips latched onto his own, and he could feel his eyes closing halfway, lazy and half-lidded, _almost_ giving in to the strange but pleasant sensation. And then it was over, and Murdoc was sitting back with a satisfied look on his face. He chuckled.

"Aright then, mate. If ye weren't gay, ye wouldn't have enjoyed that kiss quite so much, eh?"

2D was furious. His feelings had been deliberately pulled to the surface, leaving him vulnerable, and then they had been exploited. Murdoc was a dirty, stupid bastard. A dirty, stupid bastard that looked so very oddly appealing lounging on the sofa in front of his with a smug smile on his unshaven face.

"I… I didn't _like_ it," he said softly, looking anywhere but at the bassist.

"I think ye did," Murdoc said, chuckling softly and blowing a lazy trail of smoke out the corner of his mouth. "It looks to me like you're pretty fucking randy."

"I didn't like it! I'm straight, and you have no idea wot you're talking about! And you're a _terrible_ kisser!" this last bit wasn't true, but he couldn't let a little thing like the truth stand in the way of a good verbal battle.

Murdoc, however, rather than having the farfetched desired result of being crestfallen, gave a sickening grin. "I am, really?" he feigned interest, leaning forward so the tip of his nose brushed 2D's, and 2D recoiled. "Well, maybe you'll just have to teach me how to kiss properly, won't you?"

"Wot?"

"I thought you were just stupid, not deaf. I said if I'm such a damn bad kisser, than show me what a good kisser is, you dolt." Murdoc looked like he was enjoying himself a bit too much. He always loved toying with 2D, but on this occasion he seemed genuinely bent on mortifying him.

"Are you saying you want me to _kiss_ you?" 2D asked, a mixture of disgust and a tingle of excitement manifesting themselves inside of him. He made sure to keep the disgusted part of the reaction on his face, though, because doing the reverse could have been fatal.

"Well, I'm not asking you to hit me over the head. Of course that's what I'm saying. Satan, you're such a bloody idiot!"

"There's no way I'm kissing _you_," 2D snapped lividly. "That's just gross, I-"

"Of course, I can understand why you wouldn't, since you're such a fucking virgin and all. I'll bet that kiss I just gave you was the first you've ever had, right? You are so fucking pathetic."

In truth, Murdoc's kiss _had_ been his first, and he really had no idea how to go about kissing this strange, gruff man who stayed up into the dusk hours scribbling incomprehensible things into a notebook and wept in his sleep, a secret that he didn't know 2D had intimate knowledge of. But once he had Murdoc's mouth back, it seemed to come naturally, the roughness of his lips pressing insistently against his as he kissed him, the way his hands found themselves locks of Murdoc's hair to stroke, and the way Murdoc moved into the kiss effortlessly, as though it were the most normal thing in the world. And when it was all over, 2D was left feeling like maybe kissing wasn't so complicated after all, and maybe he had proved the surly bassist wrong.

"That was the worst kiss I've ever had in my life. My fucking grandmother kisses better than you, and she's been dead for thirty years. Fuck, you really don't know how to do anything right, do you?" Murdoc sat back and look amused. Another wisp of smoke slid from his mouth in a smooth stream.

"You don't kiss any better," 2D snapped, a bit angry and humiliated that Murdoc could be so unaffected by his kiss when 2D himself was still spinning from it. It didn't seem quite fair that his own head was full of stars and Murdoc's was clear. "You kiss like a mother."

Murdoc gave him the most sinister smile he had ever seen in his life. "I don't kiss any better, eh? Look, muppet, that last one was just me getting warmed up. If you're really that desperate, I'll teach you how kiss properly, eh, sunbeam?"

"I am _not_ desperate!" 2D told him. "And I don't _need_ you to teach me how to kiss. I'll just… I'll-"

He didn't have time to finish that sentence, because suddenly Murdoc's lips were clamped back onto his. The force of the kiss knocked 2D's mind out of focus, and all he could do was sit and be kissed by this 30-something bassist with filthy hair and surprisingly delicate lips. Murdoc pulled his lips away for a fraction of a second to whisper "_This_ is how you kiss, Stuart," and then he dragged 2D out of reality with his lips and into a strange, ethereal world, where things like 2D kissing a man could happen, and where he could actually enjoy it.

The kiss was almost innocent at first, almost tender, and slowly, as 2D began to flow with it, suddenly, Murdoc's lips parted slightly, sending a wave of molten heat unexpectedly to 2D's groin. He kissed him expertly, sliding his lips apart with his own, tilting 2D's head back and sliding his fingers through his blue hair before bringing them to his cheeks. And 2D, against his better judgment, began to drift away. His eyes fluttered shut automatically. He floated gently into the world of Murdoc's lips, of his hands touching his face, and slowly it became part of something normal, something pleasurable. And then Murdoc changed everything.

Murdoc's tongue only brushed his lip gently at first, and the wet sensation startled 2D but did not phase him. And then, as he ran it along 2D's lower lip and began to probe delicately farther, silently asking for entrance, 2D began to sense the change in the air. Something more desperate, something beyond just a simple display of Murdoc's kissing superiority. It was… _heat. _And as 2D opened his mouth wider to allow Murdoc inside, the heat intensified a hundredfold. He gasped slightly as the tongue entered his mouth, running itself along his teeth and then seeking 2D's tongue. As their tongues brushed, 2D could feel the desperation in the older man, the sense of passions left buried, and gasped again as the intensity increased. 2D returned the brush, and Murdoc intensified the kiss even further, making 2D's breath shallow, and he tried to pull away for breath, but Murdoc wouldn't let him, keeping him tethered to him with a force stronger than gravity. Murdoc's fingers wound themselves into 2D's hair, pulling him closer, and he kept his fingers woven in between the locks as he kissed him.

There was something so ridiculously attractive about Murdoc's rough possessiveness that 2D couldn't help his arousal. Something in those mismatched eyes, half-lidded and unseeing, made him feel as though his body were on fire, and every part of his being was marked, changed, by this one simple kiss. Those hands, rough and skilled, let go of 2D's hair and ran themselves under his shirt. His back arched at the touch, and he pulled himself closer to Murdoc, locking his thin arms around him, and refused to let go. He was hot, frenzied, and starting to sweat from the contact between their bodies, no room for cooling air in the frantic embrace. It was almost too much to bear.

Murdoc that distant and mysterious bassist, snaked a hand between their tightly pressed bodied and gripped 2D's erection through his jeans. 2D was unprepared, and gasped fully, his eyes widening. Murdoc kept his hand in that forbidden spot and showed no signs of stopping. That hand was warm, a gentle presence that made him tremble and created even more hear between them.

"I've taught you how to kiss," Murdoc whispered coarsely, his voice giving 2D chills as he broke away from his lips for a moment. "And now, I'm going to show you how to do something else." his eyes, usually so closed off and empty, betrayed his arousal, and his desperation. And 2D, looking closely as he held Murdoc in the still, forbidden moment, that tiny pause in their new world of intensity, saw something else. He saw vulnerability, he saw need, and he saw, for only a brief glimmer, love.

He saw a flicker of that same love a few minutes later, when they were both naked, 2D lying on his back on the sofa and Murdoc crouching over him. And he knew, that though Murdoc was usually an expert at hiding it, that same love was always there behind his eyes, unseen, unspoken, and restrained. Murdoc's body was sleek in the glow of the streetlight outside the window, his exposed skin glowing softly, his smile as close to genuine as 2D has seen on him, and 2D knew that he would remember Murdoc, as he was that moment, for the rest of his life. The embodiment of love, for just a brief second. Because even in that glimmer, 2D could see, that Murdoc's love, though rare in showing, was just as strong as anyone else's. That cold, mysterious bassist with no emotions other than those that benefited himself did not truly exist. Murdoc was an entirely different person altogether.

And between that moment and the sex that followed, 2D realized that Murdoc had not only taught him to kiss. He had taught him how, in that moment of vulnerability, he concealed everything, how he lied even to himself and his own heart to keep that love from showing through. It was a pity, because when he saw that love, Murdoc was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He could feel the love now, feel it in the sweaty friction between their bodies, feel it in Murdoc's movements, and in the way he held him as they moved together, 2D on his side and Murdoc spooning him as he brought 2D closer and closer to climax.

"You were right," 2D whispered as they lay together in a tangle of sweaty limbs afterward, the afterglow bathing the room. "You're not a bad kisser."

"Not _bad_?" Murdoc asked him. "I'm better than not bad. I'd hoped you'd notice."

2D smiled and chanced stroking Murdoc's cheek. The bassist didn't pull away. "You're wonderful." The silence wrapped them softly as they lay together, and 2D thought Murdoc had fallen asleep until he spoke again.

"I love you, Stuart."

The words seemed magical to 2D, and again, as he had so many times already, Murdoc changed his life even further. He smiled and wiggled closer to the Satanist, who grumbled but pulled him against him anyway. The sound of those words still filled 2D's ears as they lay in silence. Over the next ten years, 2D would only hear his bassist say those words a handful of times, keeping the love harbored behind those eyes, silent and reserved. But 2D could still feel it.

It was always there.

_**End.**_


End file.
